I have elected to become monster
& beauty & grace
& terror.
I will not go.
“My god. You’re so, so sick. When people say this, they turn their heads, you’ve won your little game. You have proven your thesis that no-body-loves-me-every-body-hates-me.You get to sink back into your hospital bed, shrieking with righteous indignation. See? you get to say. I knew you’d give up on me. I knew you’d leave.”
— Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
“I am the territory no one will inhabit. The borderlands of motherhood / and not again. Want has no business here.”
— Erika Meitner, from “By Other Means,” Copia
attack first, so they won’t;
scream first, so they won’t;
get angry first, so they won’t;
abandon first, so they won’t.
“meanwhile everyone i love is going extinct. i turn on the lights & elsewhere a massacre. elsewhere a school: rubble again. a prison. dogs split apart in the heat. meanwhile things keep being what they are. so. how else to get touched.”
— Franny Choi, “SM,” published in God Is In The TV
There’s a little girl in my head & she screams “unloved! unloved! unloved!” every moment of my life
